Retreat Forthwith!

I write these lines of condensed outrage in the midst of this international emergency which has been precipitated by the actions of the dastardly DPRK, which has, as you would doubtless be aware, in line with their previous announcement and the predictions of sundry distinguished commentators over the preceding decade, tested a nuclear device. I trust that you are, as I am, and as is the rest of the free world and other parts as well, reeling with shock at this unexpected turn of events. We can but hope that the United States, Britain, France, Russia, and China (last but not least) take an unqualified and principled stand against the possession of nuclear weapons, and in the interim we can but join with Kim Beazley, who has advised Alexander Downer - who is, disturbingly, growing to resemble the notorious Kim - to spearhead a diplomatic offensive against this provocative act, and standing stoutly with martial jaw ajut stare down the North Korean menace, telling the regime in calm but unmistakeably firm tones to retreat forthwith!